One Hour a Week Can Save Your Relationship: Here’s How
Busy schedules can chip away at the emotional connection in a relationship. Between work, parenting, and daily responsibilities, most couples I see in therapy say they’re constantly talking, but those conversations tend to focus on logistics. Who’s picking up dinner? Which kid needs to be at practice? When life gets hectic, it’s easy to start feeling more like roommates than partners.
That’s why I often recommend the “Weekly State of the Union Meeting”, a simple and effective ritual that helps couples hit pause, reconnect, and nurture their relationship intentionally. This idea comes from the research of Drs. John and Julie Gottman, pioneers in the field of couples therapy. I’ve seen firsthand how carving out even one hour a week makes a real difference in how couples communicate, understand each other, and stay emotionally close.
Why is the State of the Union Meeting so powerful?
The Gottmans found that couples who create space for regular relationship check-ins are less likely to let little problems snowball into bigger conflicts. Those small misunderstandings—like a missed dinner plan or forgotten errand—stop fueling frustration. Instead, partners feel heard and valued, which strengthens the emotional bond.
The Research is Clear
Spending one hour a week intentionally focused on your relationship can improve communication, deepen intimacy, and help you work through disagreements more constructively. The Weekly State of the Union Meeting isn’t just a tool, it becomes a lifeline for couples. Many I work with say it quickly turns into something they look forward to.
How To Structure Your Relationship Check-In
Pick a time you can keep consistently. Some couples choose Sunday evening as a reset before the week ahead, others prefer a relaxing Friday night. What matters most is making it calming, whether it’s coffee on the porch, a quiet walk, or sharing breakfast together. Writing things down (in a notebook or shared app) can help you stay organized and track progress.
Appreciations: Start by sharing five specific things you appreciated about your partner that week. This step sets a positive tone, and I notice couples who stick to it build more goodwill and resilience. Try to highlight who your partner is, not just what they do. For example: “You handled bedtime so patiently, it made me feel grateful for your calming presence.” This step sets a positive tone and helps create space for more challenging conversations later on, making your partner feel truly valued and more open to communication.
What’s Going Well: Reflect on where you felt connected, supported, or simply enjoyed each other’s company. Focusing on strengths helps you remember what you want to nurture in your relationship.
Household Chores & Logistics: Take a dedicated moment to review schedules, chores, and upcoming responsibilities. Talk through what went smoothly and what needs adjustment. Decide as a team who will handle meals, errands, childcare, or other commitments. This proactive approach prevents mid-week friction and ensures that practical issues don’t build up into emotional stress.
Plan for Good Times: Set aside time to plan for connection. Discuss what you’d like to look forward to in the coming days, whether it’s a date night, a cozy dinner at home, a walk together, or trying a new recipe. Intentionally scheduling enjoyable moments keeps your relationship from feeling like a never-ending to-do list and reinforces intimacy.
Challenges or Concerns: Move into a calm space to share one challenge, concern, or uncomfortable moment from the past week. Keep it to a single topic to avoid overwhelming your partner. Use “soft start-up” language: describe what happened, share your feelings, and communicate what would help you in the future. If you’re listening, focus on understanding and validating rather than jumping in to fix or defend. The goal is deeper understanding and openness, not “winning” the conversation.
What Would Help You Feel Loved Next Week? Each partner asks and answers: What’s one thing that would help you feel especially supported or loved this week? Maybe it’s a thoughtful text during the workday, a breakfast together, or handling an errand. Talking through these requests openly fosters caring, helps meet each other’s needs, and creates space for ongoing connection. Remember to write down commitments so nothing gets forgotten.
Wrap Up: End your meeting with intentional positivity. This could be a hug, a kind word, or simply acknowledging that you both showed up for your relationship. If topics arise that require more time, like finances or major life decisions, schedule a separate time. Keeping the State of the Union focused on emotional connection helps protect the ritual’s positive and restorative purpose.
Why Couples Love This Practice
Many couples struggle to bring up issues, and busy weeks often make communication feel more difficult. The State of the Union Meeting provides a steady, safe space where each partner knows they can share feelings, priorities, and appreciation. It prevents problems from piling up and encourages connection rather than conflict.
When I introduce this ritual in therapy, I suggest making a six-week commitment. The research, and my own experience, shows that just one intentional hour each week can change how couples communicate, resolve conflict, and reconnect emotionally.
Ready to take the next step toward a stronger, more connected relationship?
Schedule a free 15-minute consultation to see how couples therapy and research-backed tools like the Weekly State of the Union Meeting can help you and your partner communicate better and feel closer. Click here to book your free consult and start building the partnership you both deserve.