Free take-home handout
The A.R.E. Check-in
A printable weekly ritual built on Sue Johnson's three attachment questions. Ten to fifteen minutes a week, and you keep a running read on the underlying signal that predicts long-term relationship security — before you have to wait for a crisis to notice it is thin.
Free to download and share with your therapist. Educational, not a substitute for therapy.
What's inside
- The three A.R.E. questions and what each one is measuring
- Why these three predict long-term relationship security in Sue Johnson's research
- A five-step weekly check-in ritual (10–15 minutes)
- A printable weekly scorecard with checkboxes and write-in space for each of the three letters plus your one small ask for the coming week
Who it's for
Couples who want a low-effort, high-return weekly maintenance habit before drift becomes distance.
Adapted from Sue Johnson's Hold Me Tight.
My Mental Climb adapts established therapy frameworks for educational use and is not affiliated with, endorsed by, or certified by their originators, including The Gottman Institute.
Easier with someone in your corner.
A worksheet gets you started. If this is a pattern that keeps coming back, a free 15-minute consult with our intake coordinator is a low-pressure way to talk through it and get matched with the right clinician on our team.
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FAQ
What does A.R.E. stand for?
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A.R.E. stands for Accessible, Responsive, and Engaged — Sue Johnson's three-question shorthand for the felt experience of secure attachment. Accessible: can I reach you? Responsive: will you respond to me? Engaged: do I matter to you?
How often should we do the check-in?
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Weekly is the target. Missed weeks are fine, and the ritual works best at a predictable time — Sunday morning, for example, or after the kids are in bed on a set weeknight. Consistency matters more than perfection.
What if we do this and the answers are hard?
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Hard answers are what the check-in is for — spotting the pattern early enough to work with it. If the same letter keeps coming up short for weeks, that is a strong signal to bring the pattern to a couples therapist rather than trying to grind through it alone.