Free take-home handout
The A.R.E. Check-in
A printable weekly ritual built on Sue Johnson's three attachment questions. Ten to fifteen minutes a week, and you keep a running read on the underlying signal that predicts long-term relationship security — before you have to wait for a crisis to notice it is thin.
Free to download and share with your therapist. Educational, not a substitute for therapy.
What's inside
- The three A.R.E. questions and what each one is measuring
- Why these three predict long-term relationship security in Sue Johnson's research
- A five-step weekly check-in ritual (10–15 minutes)
- A printable weekly scorecard with checkboxes and write-in space for each of the three letters plus your one small ask for the coming week
Who it's for
Couples who want a low-effort, high-return weekly maintenance habit before drift becomes distance.
Adapted from Sue Johnson's Hold Me Tight.
Easier with someone in your corner.
A worksheet gets you started. If this is a pattern that keeps coming back, a free 15-minute consult with our intake coordinator is a low-pressure way to talk through it and get matched with the right clinician on our team.
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FAQ
What does A.R.E. stand for?
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A.R.E. stands for Accessible, Responsive, and Engaged — Sue Johnson's three-question shorthand for the felt experience of secure attachment. Accessible: can I reach you? Responsive: will you respond to me? Engaged: do I matter to you?
How often should we do the check-in?
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Weekly is the target. Missed weeks are fine, and the ritual works best at a predictable time — Sunday morning, for example, or after the kids are in bed on a set weeknight. Consistency matters more than perfection.
What if we do this and the answers are hard?
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Hard answers are what the check-in is for — spotting the pattern early enough to work with it. If the same letter keeps coming up short for weeks, that is a strong signal to bring the pattern to a couples therapist rather than trying to grind through it alone.