Free take-home handout
Fondness & Admiration
A printable worksheet for Gottman's second principle, fondness and admiration, the antidote to contempt. It helps you notice what you value in your partner and say it in a way they can take in.
Free to print and share for personal or clinical use. Educational, not a substitute for therapy.
If you reference this handout or share it with clients, please link to this page and credit My Mental Climb rather than reposting the file.
What's inside
- Why fondness and admiration matter: they build the reserve of respect that carries a relationship through its harder stretches, and directly counter contempt
- What makes a good appreciation, so it lands instead of sliding off
- A words-for-who-they-are worksheet: appreciate who your partner is, not only what they do for you
- Say-it-like-this prompts for putting the appreciation into words this week
Who it's for
Couples who want to rebuild warmth, especially if criticism or contempt has crept in, and anyone who finds appreciation easier to feel than to say.
Adapted from Gottman's second principle, Nurture Your Fondness and Admiration (The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work). Educational only, not therapy. My Mental Climb is not affiliated with, endorsed by, or certified by The Gottman Institute.
My Mental Climb adapts established therapy frameworks for educational use and is not affiliated with, endorsed by, or certified by their originators, including The Gottman Institute.
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FAQ
What is fondness and admiration in the Gottman Method?
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Fondness and admiration is the Gottman principle of actively noticing and expressing what you value and respect in your partner. It is the direct antidote to contempt, the most corrosive of the Four Horsemen, because it rebuilds the sense of being liked and respected underneath the conflict. This worksheet helps you find the words and say them.
How do you rebuild fondness and admiration in a relationship?
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You rebuild fondness and admiration by deliberately noticing what you appreciate about who your partner is, not just what they do, and telling them in specific terms. Small, genuine appreciations said out loud build a reserve of goodwill over time. The worksheet gives you words for character traits and prompts for saying them.
Why is admiration the antidote to contempt?
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Admiration counters contempt because contempt grows from focusing on what is wrong with your partner, while admiration rebuilds the habit of seeing what is right. Since contempt is the single strongest predictor of divorce in Gottman's research, deliberately rebuilding fondness is one of the highest-leverage things a struggling couple can practice.
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