Free take-home handout
The Four Horsemen & Their Antidotes
A printable guide to Gottman's Four Horsemen, the four communication patterns his research found predict divorce, with the specific antidote for each.
Free to download and share with your therapist. Educational, not a substitute for therapy.
What's inside
- What criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling each sound like
- The antidote for each one, phrased so you can use it mid-conversation
- How to spot which horseman is running in the moment
- Why contempt is the one to watch most closely
Who it's for
Couples who keep having the same fight and want to name what's happening while it's happening.
Based on John Gottman's research.
Easier with someone in your corner.
A worksheet gets you started. If this is a pattern that keeps coming back, a free 15-minute consult with our intake coordinator is a low-pressure way to talk through it and get matched with the right clinician on our team.
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FAQ
What are the Four Horsemen in a relationship?
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The Four Horsemen are four communication patterns John Gottman's research found predict relationship breakdown: criticism (attacking the person, not the behavior), contempt (disgust and disrespect), defensiveness (refusing responsibility), and stonewalling (shutting down and withdrawing). Contempt is the single strongest predictor of divorce.
What are the antidotes to the Four Horsemen?
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Each horseman has a research-backed antidote: a gentle start-up for criticism, building fondness and admiration against contempt, taking responsibility for your part instead of defending, and physiological self-soothing (stepping away long enough to calm down) for stonewalling.
Related
Gottman Method
Evidence-based couples therapy developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman over 40+ years of research.
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