Free take-home handout
The Gottman-Rapoport Conversation
A printable script for the Gottman-Rapoport conversation, the structured format where both partners fully summarize each other's position before anyone tries to persuade.
Free to download and share with your therapist. Educational, not a substitute for therapy.
What's inside
- When to use it, and when not to
- The rules for the speaker
- The four-step listener protocol: Prepare, Attune, Summarize, Validate
- A soft start-up example to open without defensiveness
Who it's for
Couples stuck in the same fight who keep talking past each other and need a structure that slows it down.
Adapted from the Gottman Method.
Easier with someone in your corner.
A worksheet gets you started. If this is a pattern that keeps coming back, a free 15-minute consult with our intake coordinator is a low-pressure way to talk through it and get matched with the right clinician on our team.
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FAQ
What is the Gottman-Rapoport conversation?
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It's a structured conflict conversation where each partner takes a turn as speaker and listener, and the listener has to summarize the speaker's position to their satisfaction before anyone moves to persuasion or compromise. It comes from the Gottman Method, which adapted it from conflict researcher Anatol Rapoport.
Why summarize before persuading?
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Because most conflict stalls when each person is arguing to be understood rather than listening. Summarizing first proves you heard your partner, which lowers defensiveness and makes compromise possible.
Related
Gottman Method
Evidence-based couples therapy developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman over 40+ years of research.
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